I am not skilled to understand...

What God has willed what God Has planned...




*Understatement*




Gosh where to start??




So, I haven't really told many people, mostly because I don't want to get my hopes up or spread false hope to our friends and loved-ones, but a very old (old as in from a long time ago) and dear friend got in touch with me a few weeks back and offered to carry our baby for us. This was a total shock. After I picked my jaw up from off the floor, I told her that this was a huge decision and that I really thought she should think about it and pray about it before going forward with anything. Since then, my stomach has been in knots, and I've all but completely chewed my thumb nail off (it's a thing, read about it). Currently, she is still thinking about it and talking with her family about their thoughts and feelings about it. She also will be making an appointment with her doctor to make sure it's even a possibility, since she has had a few previous C-sections.




So... there's that. I have basically been praying non-stop that the Lord would close a door for us, or make our path known to us, because I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what He would have us do!

I received the following compassionate (please note sarcasm here) email from our adoption coordinator last week (I had emailed him asking for an update on the February Training Class that he said we had a 50/50 chance of getting into):

Hi Candice, The class is still full and we do not expect opening it up.  Sorry Jerry Snider Operations Director / Adoptive Family Caseworker

Well... now I have to figure out if this is a door closing or just God telling us the timing isn't right. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this guy is kind of a jerk. He never once emailed me to touch base, I always had to email him, wait several days for a response, and when I received one, they have always been very short and without any sense of empathy at all. And this guy is an adoptive dad too, so you would think he would understand and empathize with prospective adoptive parents. Anyway, I'll stop complaining now. The point is, we did not get into the class, and the next one is not until August. Just a re-cap... you don't officially "start" the adoption process or official "wait time" until after you have completed this training. So... door shut??? Who knows. Like I said (well actually Aaron Shust), I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned.

In other news, we submitted our pre-application paperwork to Loving Hearts Christian Adoption Agency here in Austin. And this is pretty comical... they also only have 2 state mandated adoption training classes a year, and wouldn't you know, they have one in April... on the day that I will be in Fredericksburg on my sewing retreat. Seriously? I get away maybe twice a year, unbelievable! You have no idea how much I have been looking forward to my girls weekend sewing retreat!  Ugh, I'm just so sick to my stomach, even writing it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.

In the midst of all of these shenanigans, I felt it on my heart for a long time to try and re-connect with my best friend. We kind of stopped talking to each other in 2009, partly because we lived in different cities, both had our own lives, we were embarking on our very first IVF, I got upset about something stupid and she has always been a gold medalist in stubbornness, it's all so dumb. Anyway, long story short... she's pregnant! With their first child! A baby girl due in May. She even invited me to her baby shower next month and I am sooooo excited to see her and talk to her, it seems to be the only thing getting me over the crappy couple weeks referenced above. My head is buzzing with all sorts of cute things I want to make for her and baby, hello pinterest!

So yeah... sorry for all the word vomit and randomness of this post, that just seems to be my life these days - you don't even want to see my house! Anyway, if you read this and you pray, I would appreciate any prayers for a calm heart and for the Lord to reveal to us the path in which we should follow. Until then, we will praise him in the hallway.

Yup. That's all I got. Have a great weekend!

-Candice

The 18 miler that uh...wasn't :(

Yup. Ventured out for my scheduled 18 miler over the weekend. Which would have been the longest distance I have ever run. But yeah... it didn't happen. womp womp. The first 4 miles flew by, and I had to try hard to keep my pace at around 11 min miles so as not to burn myself out, but somewhere around mile 10, everything started to hurt and I began to lose faith in whether or not I could pull this 18 mile run off. I'm pretty sure the fact that around mile marker 10 I was also dangerously close to my house and had to make the mental decision to go the distance, or wuss out. Yeah. I wussed out. Ironically, when I stopped my watch as I entered my driveway, it was at 13.1 - weird. So yeah, I ran 13.1 miles, which to the average person is huge, but when you set out to run 18, ehh, not so much.

Sure hope I can get the 26.2 sticker instead of this one!

I'm not sure how much of me was "listening to my body" or just psyching myself out. Regardless, it WILL happen after my half. January 25th, I hope you're listening, cause I AM going to make you my bitch! (OK , I know I'm a Christian and shouldn't talk like that, but I've gotta pump myself up, plus, Hi, my name is Candice, and I'm not perfect, but I still love Jesus, so there.)

I came across this verse this morning while I laid in bed reading a devotional (it was actually from Sunday - which I supposed I should have read that morning, and perhaps I would have actually ran the 18 miles, but I digress):

Ah to run and not grow weary... so many life applications there. This may be my new favorite verse. Tattoo worthy? We'll see :) I'll just let that soak in a minute....

 

Mkay, moving right along. If one more person asks me how the adoption is going, I think I may scream, and maybe cut somebody (awesome verbiage brought to you by the ever funny Gayla). And that somebody might be our adoption coordinator. I'm not sure how much of this is me being impatient and type A, but it sure seems like this guy has sub par communication skills. Like for real. Everything is still hinging on whether or not we get into this February adoption training class, if we do, then we can schedule our homestudy, and once approved can "officially" be waiting, aka paper pregnant. But, the only way to get into the February class is to wait for placements between now and then. For every placement made between now and the class, a spot will open up. If we don't get in, we have to wait until August :( Which also means we can't do our homestudy until September, wait for it to be approved, and then wait (usually 9-18 months), so basically Max and Emma will be in college before we can give them a sibling! Dramatic much?? It just makes me sad. I wish someone would just drop a baby off on our front porch. On the other side of the coin, we've got surrogacy. Not much going on there at the moment either. A friend of a friend did express interest in possibly carrying our baby, but alas it was not in the cards :( It did give me hope though that there are amazing people out there willing to offer such sacrificial love to complete strangers, how cool is that?!

So yeah, still looking for a womb and/or a baby - any leads?? I kid. But no really, if you hear something say something :) Pretty sure this was not the context they had in mind when coming up with that phrase, but whatever works, right?!

Things I am grateful for right now (cause I feel I need to balance this post out)... I LOVE our new house, and we are almost completely unpacked! PTL The kids are back in school = mama gets a break! Holla! I have amazing friends & family!

Anyone in the market for some Scentsy? Advocare? doTerra Essential Oils? Arbonne? Velata? Thirty-one? Rodan+Fields? Cute women's boutique clothing? Stella & Dot? Premiere Designs jewelry? Lia Sophia jewelry?  AND help us bring home baby in the process? Stay tuned and I'll tell you how! I am about to make a new post now and you don't want to miss it!!!

Happy Tuesday all!


-Candice

Putting it out there...

Creating a life and delivering a dream for our family. That's exactly what you'd be doing if you choose to be a surrogate/gestational carrier for us.

While on my 8 mile training run today, it occurred to me that I need to stop dancing around what I want to say and just be vulnerable and put it out there. So, here it is. We want you to carry our baby!

I'm not sure who or where you are, but I am hoping that our story touches your heart and inspires a

desire in you to selflessly help us complete our family. Trust me, I realize what an enormous request this is, and believe me, I never thought I would ever have to be put in position to ask, but I knew that if I didn't take a leap of faith and put it out there, I would always wonder.

Of course, I know that there are agencies out there that arrange these types of things, however we just don't have the money to finance the $60-100,000 to go that route. We have some financial resources that we can provide, but not much, and depending on what your insurance covers (IVF procedure for frozen embryo transfer), we would have more to offer.

We would like to begin the process in the next year (sooner the better), but we are completely reliant on God's will and His timing in all of this. We also plan to continue with the process to adopt domestically, but will continue to pray for God's guidance every step of the way. So on that note, we would also ask that you spread the word that we are looking to adopt an infant domestically, so if you or someone you know is pregnant and looking to go the adoption route, we just ask that you please keep us in mind :)

If you would like to learn more about our infertility journey and what has brought us to where we are now, please feel free to read here. Even if you don't feel the Lord is calling you to carry our baby, you can still help us. Please, please, please share our story and this blog with everyone one you know, and tell them to share it too - this would mean more to us than you will ever know. You never know where the answer to your/our prayers may lie.

Together...

figured I'd stick with the theme ;)

 

 

Again, please SHARE, SHARE, SHARE! Spread the word (and the blog) like wild fire! And pray for us, for someone to carry out baby and/or the birthmother of our child. We love you all and thank God for you and your support every day! Please feel free to email me anytime: themiksovskys@gmail.com

 

God Bless,

Candice & Jason

It's Goin' Down!

Yup! This is happening peeps! I decided I needed something to take my mind off the whole baby thang, so what better way than spending hours and hours and hours training and running all by myself... hmmm. Sooooo yeah, this race will line up perfectly with my marathon training (which has pretty much been non-existent since San Antonio). Uhhh, oops. But whatevs, I'm not planning to PR or anything given my recent running hiatus, but I know this is what I need to do. After all, I have had this sign

(literal and figurative) staring me down every single day for the last year! The Austin Livestrong Marathon is schedule for February 16th, although I'll be honest and tell you that I have not registered for it yet :o

In other news, my Christmas wish is that God would open up doors for us to expand our family, be it through a surrogate (willing to carry our baby for little to no financial gain) or adoption. I keep dreaming about what our third child would look like, since Max and Emma look so different from each other, it just really makes me wonder!

Here's a little photo dump for ya of what's been goin' on around here lately...

a little family hayride action

Max & Emma's first trip to the dentist. Max did AWESOME!

Emma was little squirrelly, but did pretty good too :)

The kids had their first fishing experience (didn't catch anything)

We checked out the new Austin Children's Museum

Took a tour of the Krispy Kreme donut store and got to make our own donuts!

Max had eye surgery to correct his strabismus

sweet baby passed out after his post-surgery popsicle

 

 

 

 

Made and sold 5 wreaths and 2 signs and 2 outfits for our baby fund! Woop!

Thank you to stranger in Washington, Memi, Jill & Bobbie for buying my stuff - you guys rock!

First Santa experience where no tears were shed and no one freaked out - woop!

Is it weird that I'm a little sad that they are no longer terrified of the Big Man?

 

Visited Grandma (Jason's Gma) in the hospital after she had her leg amputated.

Christmas with Jason's mom and step-dad!

Emma and daddy having a tea party at Gram and Poppy's

Christmas with Jason's dad and step-mom

Such a girly girl :)

Jammin' out with Papa G. Budding musician in the making?

Emma got to hand deliver the gifts we picked out for Preh (our angel tree child). Max was too busy playing soccer with the other boys and couldn't be bothered. Boys.

Looked at neighborhood Christmas lights, and Max would have sat here staring at the "trains that go by themselves" ALL night if we let him!

Made fun Christmas cookies

Went to Candlelight Christmas Eve service with our friends at our church

It's a wonder Max didn't catch Memi's hair on fire!

What? It doesn't snow inside your church on Christmas Eve?

 

So while we were at Jason's dad's, we ordered in some Chinese food. Before we left, Jason shoved a bunch of fortune cookies in my purse, and I had completely forgotten about them until I was cleaning out the black hole that is my purse the other day. One of the cookies was smashed to bits and I was about to throw it in the trash, but thought I'd open it up to read the fortune first. Upon read the fortune, I realized that it was another one of God's little love notes. It gives me chills every time I read it... "Enjoy what you have, hope for what you lack." Thank you Lord for reminding me of this, I guess we could all stand to be reminded of this every now and again. I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

 

-Candice