Friday, February 21, 2014

I am not skilled to understand...

What God has willed what God Has planned...


Gosh where to start??

So, I haven't really told many people, mostly because I don't want to get my hopes up or spread false hope to our friends and loved-ones, but a very old (old as in from a long time ago) and dear friend got in touch with me a few weeks back and offered to carry our baby for us. This was a total shock. After I picked my jaw up from off the floor, I told her that this was a huge decision and that I really thought she should think about it and pray about it before going forward with anything. Since then, my stomach has been in knots, and I've all but completely chewed my thumb nail off (it's a thing, read about it). Currently, she is still thinking about it and talking with her family about their thoughts and feelings about it. She also will be making an appointment with her doctor to make sure it's even a possibility, since she has had a few previous C-sections.

So... there's that. I have basically been praying non-stop that the Lord would close a door for us, or make our path known to us, because I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what He would have us do!

I received the following compassionate (please note sarcasm here) email from our adoption coordinator last week (I had emailed him asking for an update on the February Training Class that he said we had a 50/50 chance of getting into):

Hi Candice,

The class is still full and we do not expect opening it up.  Sorry

Jerry Snider
Operations Director / Adoptive Family Caseworker

Well... now I have to figure out if this is a door closing or just God telling us the timing isn't right. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this guy is kind of a jerk. He never once emailed me to touch base, I always had to email him, wait several days for a response, and when I received one, they have always been very short and without any sense of empathy at all. And this guy is an adoptive dad too, so you would think he would understand and empathize with prospective adoptive parents. Anyway, I'll stop complaining now. The point is, we did not get into the class, and the next one is not until August. Just a re-cap... you don't officially "start" the adoption process or official "wait time" until after you have completed this training. So... door shut??? Who knows. Like I said (well actually Aaron Shust), I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned.

In other news, we submitted our pre-application paperwork to Loving Hearts Christian Adoption Agency here in Austin. And this is pretty comical... they also only have 2 state mandated adoption training classes a year, and wouldn't you know, they have one in April... on the day that I will be in Fredericksburg on my sewing retreat. Seriously? I get away maybe twice a year, unbelievable! You have no idea how much I have been looking forward to my girls weekend sewing retreat!  Ugh, I'm just so sick to my stomach, even writing it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.

In the midst of all of these shenanigans, I felt it on my heart for a long time to try and re-connect with my best friend. We kind of stopped talking to each other in 2009, partly because we lived in different cities, both had our own lives, we were embarking on our very first IVF, I got upset about something stupid and she has always been a gold medalist in stubbornness, it's all so dumb. Anyway, long story short... she's pregnant! With their first child! A baby girl due in May. She even invited me to her baby shower next month and I am sooooo excited to see her and talk to her, it seems to be the only thing getting me over the crappy couple weeks referenced above. My head is buzzing with all sorts of cute things I want to make for her and baby, hello pinterest!

So yeah... sorry for all the word vomit and randomness of this post, that just seems to be my life these days - you don't even want to see my house! Anyway, if you read this and you pray, I would appreciate any prayers for a calm heart and for the Lord to reveal to us the path in which we should follow. Until then, we will praise him in the hallway.

Yup. That's all I got. Have a great weekend!


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Yup, I'm a Marathon Runner :)

I totes did it y'all! I freaking ran 26.2 (actually 26.51) miles on Sunday! Holy Cow that was hard!

Yup. I sure did earn that oval sticker! (which I actually haven't gotten yet - heck I still haven't even gotten the 13.1 yet!)

I achieved my goal of #1 finishing the race - holla! and #2 coming in under 5 hours - what up! And I actually ended up finishing in 4:51:31. As a long shot, I was hoping to maybe come in around 4:0/4:45, but like I said, that shit was hard! Here's a little race day recap for ya...

5am, my alarm goes off and I don't want to get out of bed, like at all, but I roll out and make myself some coffee and peanut butter toast with chia seeds with half a banana (my go-to race day breakfast).

I take my breakfast of champions into the bathroom and start getting dressed. I had laid everything out the night before (shorts to match the race bib of course). I knew I needed to leave around 6, but 6 o'clock came around I still hadn't "taken care of business" yet and was starting to get worried. Finally, I was able to TCB and headed out the door - whew, fingers crossed, there will be not shit-uations on the course today!

Around 6:10am I made my way downtown in the early morning fog. It was already 57 degrees and 90% humidity. Lovely. Oh I forgot to mention that I totes made myself a poor man's pace band! Yup - I straight up cut a strip of paper and wrote out my pace plan for the race and taped that shit to my wrist next to my watch! Kinda like this... but even more ghetto...

Ah - so funny, I wish I would have taken a pic of it! And the cheap-ass runner award goes to.... moi!

I always get anxious when driving and parking downtown, I'm always frazzled about the whole thing, I guess it's that whole, you can take the girl outta the country, but you can't take the country outta the girl thing?? I was freaking out afraid couldn't find the right parking garage (you know... the free one - ain't no shame in my game playa!) Anyway, it was all for nothing, I really should be more confident in myself, my directional skills have really come a long way, in the sense that I always end up taking the long way, but I digress. I found the parking garage and was rather amazed that I had managed to be so close to the start line, sweet! It was about 6:40 when I found the 4:40 pace group, and feeling optimistic, decided I'd start with them, knowing full well they would pass me up the second we passed the start line.

about 10 minutes before the start

I had researched and planned out my pacing and obsessed over it for about a week, and was really praying that this would be the correct calculation for a successful marathon. I had it broken up into 6 manageable sections:

Section 1 - SLOW the F Down is the theme for this section
Mile 1 - 11 min/mi SLOW
Mile 2-3 - 10:50 min/mi SLOW & CONTROLLED/DOWNHILL
Section 2 - Highest elevation gain/marathon effort NOT pace
Mile 3-6 - 10:35/10:40 pace
*goal is to be under 65 min at the 6 mile marker
Section 3 - form and control
Mile 6-9 - 10:30 pace (downhill)
Section 4 - Relax, conserve energy- let the hills be your guide
Mile 9-13 - 10:45/10:55 pace
*goal here was to be under 2:30 at the half
Section 5 - Rhythm, stay focused and be patient - ALL MENTAL
Mile 13-20 - 10:30/10:40 pace
*pull out all the motivational thoughts here
Section 6 - Home stretch, you've made it this far, you WILL finish
Mile 20-22 - 10:30 pace progressive tempo to the finish
Mile 22-26.2 - As fast as your legs will go all the way to the finish - try not to walk the hills at the very end!

The plan worked GREAT! Until.... around mile 19/20, then it all went downhill, literally and figuratively! Jason and the kids met me at mile 6 and then again at 12.5 and both times I felt fan-freakin-tastic, so I'm not sure what happened? Here's how it went down on my split times:

Mile 1 - 10:53
snapped this cute pic - a family that runs together, stays together!

Mile 2 - 10:49
Mile 3 - 10:46 (5K 34:08)
Mile 4 - 10:44
Mile 5 - 10:38 (54:26)
Mile 6 - 10:40
Mile 7 - 10:26
Mile 8 - 10:25
Mile 9 - 10:21
Mile 10 - 10:52 (1:47:23)
Mile 11 - 10:58
Mile 12 - 10:58 (stopped to switch out waters with J, stretch, and hug & kiss my babies)
Mile 13 - 11:56 (2:21:37 at the half)
Mile 14 - 10:39
Mile 15 - 10:38
Mile 16 - 10:59
Mile 17 - 11:01
Mile 18 - 10:58
Mile 19 - 11:11
Mile 20 - 12:08 (3:39:59 -and here's where I hit a big fat wall! All downhill from here on out)
Mile 21 - 10:55
Mile 22 - 11:58
Mile 23 - 11:31
Mile 24 - 11:24
Mile 25 - 11:19
Mile 26 - 11:09
Mile 26.2 - 11:13 (stopped to grab the twins so they could run the finish with me)

For whatever reason, absolutely nothing about that downhill felt like it was downhill! I kept thinking to myself, "if I can just keep my overall pace under 11 min/mi then I will be solid, and what do you know, at the end of it all, my avg pace was exactly an 11 min/mi pace - cray. I had to stop and walk just for a min here and there, but for the most part, I ran the whole thing, and I'm pretty proud of that. I'm also pretty darn proud of finishing this thing!
I'm also pretty sure it's one of only a handful of times in my life that my dad was truly proud of me, or at least proud enough to mention it to me! I was pretty bummed that the peeps at marathonfoto somehow did not get a pic of me crossing the finish line with Max and Emma :( I emailed them hoping that it was because they couldn't see my bib number and maybe they could find it for me, so we'll see?

People kept telling me that as soon as I was finished I would want to run another one, and I'm tellin' you right now... NOPE, NO WAY, NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH! One and done baby! Oh and can we just stop for a moment and talk about the total lack of swag?! WTH? Seriously, the only freebie I got was an Austin keychain! What's up with that?! This was my fourth race and I must say that as far as swag and expo's go, the Dallas Metro PCS Marathon & Half Marathon was def the best - just sayin! I may have never gotten to experience labor and giving birth naturally, but I sure did run 26 and half miles with NO DRUGS!
my sweet hubs made signs for me again - love that man!

I may be done with marathon training, and honestly running in general for a while, but I am still on the hunt chasing that sub 2! But for now... I just completed day 2 of the Jamie Eason LiveFit 12 week transformation plan - and whoa, my arms are Jell-O! I think I will plan to run another half or 2 in the fall, for now, my focus is on leaning out and dropping my body fat % (which is currently at 21.9%, according to the little handheld do-hicky at the gym). Anyhoo - that's where I'm at right now. I also have a little adoption update, but I'll give it it's own post, so stayed tuned.


Saturday, February 15, 2014

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Uh.... yeah. Not cool. I thought my days of running in 90% humidity were over! No such luck. I'm trying to remain optimistic about this, but things are not lookin great. The silver lining is that it is Texas and weather can change on a dime here! (what does that saying even mean?!)

So yeah, hopefully these jamz will help get me through 26.2 miles of hell!

It's only about 4 hours of music, but whatevs, hopefully there will be some great bands out and I won't have to depend so much on my jamz :)

Good luck to all those racing tomorrow - may the odds be ever in your favor!