I am not skilled to understand...

What God has willed what God Has planned...




*Understatement*




Gosh where to start??




So, I haven't really told many people, mostly because I don't want to get my hopes up or spread false hope to our friends and loved-ones, but a very old (old as in from a long time ago) and dear friend got in touch with me a few weeks back and offered to carry our baby for us. This was a total shock. After I picked my jaw up from off the floor, I told her that this was a huge decision and that I really thought she should think about it and pray about it before going forward with anything. Since then, my stomach has been in knots, and I've all but completely chewed my thumb nail off (it's a thing, read about it). Currently, she is still thinking about it and talking with her family about their thoughts and feelings about it. She also will be making an appointment with her doctor to make sure it's even a possibility, since she has had a few previous C-sections.




So... there's that. I have basically been praying non-stop that the Lord would close a door for us, or make our path known to us, because I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what He would have us do!

I received the following compassionate (please note sarcasm here) email from our adoption coordinator last week (I had emailed him asking for an update on the February Training Class that he said we had a 50/50 chance of getting into):

Hi Candice, The class is still full and we do not expect opening it up.  Sorry Jerry Snider Operations Director / Adoptive Family Caseworker

Well... now I have to figure out if this is a door closing or just God telling us the timing isn't right. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this guy is kind of a jerk. He never once emailed me to touch base, I always had to email him, wait several days for a response, and when I received one, they have always been very short and without any sense of empathy at all. And this guy is an adoptive dad too, so you would think he would understand and empathize with prospective adoptive parents. Anyway, I'll stop complaining now. The point is, we did not get into the class, and the next one is not until August. Just a re-cap... you don't officially "start" the adoption process or official "wait time" until after you have completed this training. So... door shut??? Who knows. Like I said (well actually Aaron Shust), I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned.

In other news, we submitted our pre-application paperwork to Loving Hearts Christian Adoption Agency here in Austin. And this is pretty comical... they also only have 2 state mandated adoption training classes a year, and wouldn't you know, they have one in April... on the day that I will be in Fredericksburg on my sewing retreat. Seriously? I get away maybe twice a year, unbelievable! You have no idea how much I have been looking forward to my girls weekend sewing retreat!  Ugh, I'm just so sick to my stomach, even writing it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.

In the midst of all of these shenanigans, I felt it on my heart for a long time to try and re-connect with my best friend. We kind of stopped talking to each other in 2009, partly because we lived in different cities, both had our own lives, we were embarking on our very first IVF, I got upset about something stupid and she has always been a gold medalist in stubbornness, it's all so dumb. Anyway, long story short... she's pregnant! With their first child! A baby girl due in May. She even invited me to her baby shower next month and I am sooooo excited to see her and talk to her, it seems to be the only thing getting me over the crappy couple weeks referenced above. My head is buzzing with all sorts of cute things I want to make for her and baby, hello pinterest!

So yeah... sorry for all the word vomit and randomness of this post, that just seems to be my life these days - you don't even want to see my house! Anyway, if you read this and you pray, I would appreciate any prayers for a calm heart and for the Lord to reveal to us the path in which we should follow. Until then, we will praise him in the hallway.

Yup. That's all I got. Have a great weekend!

-Candice