Wednesday, June 3, 2015

0 for 5

Well, we are now 0 for 5 (that we know of), well I guess technically 0-4 since one birthmom who is having her baby today has decided to parent for now, but I guess that's still NOT choosing us, so yeah 0-5. This sucks.

In other news, we go in for our first training on Saturday to be licensed for foster to adopt/respite care/adoption through Angelheart Ministries here in Austin. So there's that. Some sweet friends of ours just got placed with a baby girl straight from the hospital yesterday, and they had only been waiting like 2 months, so that's promising, I guess. Just feeling a little jaded and defeated today.

The cruel irony of this whole situation has been weighing heavily on me lately.We have 4 perfect embryos which obviously make magnificent beautiful babies,
PROOF - exhibit A

and no uterus to put them in b/c God didn't think I needed that uterus anymore, and no takers to carry our baby for us, so we must turn to adoption to grow our family, and we pay, and we wait, and we are rejected, repeatedly, all the while we must make a plan for our baby embryos, that we want SO badly, but must eventually give to someone else. I just can't. Every time I think I have moved on from it, wham-o it slaps me in the face and I am forced to deal with these demons of my heart. I hate being angry with God. It's just not fair - and now I sound like a whining toddler, of course life isn't fair, it never has been and never will be.

This journey is hard, and it sucks... alot, that is all.

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